VansOpinion - QUALIFYING AS A JOHN KERRY DEMOCRAT

"TheTwenty-One Easy Steps" to becoming a John Kerry Democrat were supplied to me by someone who thinks a good deal like I think, so I'll share what I received with you. Certainly all "D" registered folks are not tax and spend radicals or non-registered sex offenders, but the supporters of the flip-flop-fink from the state which re-elects the likes of Barney Frank to the U.S. House of Representatives and Teddy Kennedy to the U.S. Senate seem to have a lot in common. Virtually anyone can be that kind of a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking and vote that way. If you want to be a John Kerry Democrat there are some prerequisites you absolutely must possess. Read on and see if you qualify. If not, perhaps you would be better suited to be a Republican, and it's not too late to change.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same school system that can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow the best qualified to teach those same kinds about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of the Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by Americans driving SUVS.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the U.S. military, not evil, tyrannical regimes, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to America than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is all about "progress" and not power. She wants to help us out of the archaic system of governing that we've been subjected to since our founding.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a cheat, liar and sex offender belongs in the White House and you would vote him back in there in a New York minute (if you could).

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

21. You have to believe that the vociferous minorities who protest against prayer and saluting the flag in school have far more rights than the majority who believe in God and country and want these values to be instilled in our young children.

If you are locked in solidly to most of these beliefs - you're a John Kerry Democrat! You would also be well suited to be hired as an Editor at the Lincoln Journal Star Newspaper.


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